Lay Off

Another one I wrote last week. At least I am slowly catching up!!!

Shawn told me Sunday that he thought he would be laid off this week. He has had a suspicion for about a month. He has pretty much known for two weeks. He tells me the night before. He called Monday morning and said he thought it would actually be that day. He called by 1:00 and said it was a done deal. In the time from Sunday night when he clued me in to the time it became a reality, I was OK. I thought God must have a pretty big plan for us and I definitely knew He would take care of us. I was actually a little excited thinking about what God must be working on. When Shawn left the airlines, I was devastated for more reasons than one. I was sure he would hate it; I knew he would end up resenting me and the kids. Even though we never asked for him to be home more (and I actually begged him to stay where he was), he was leaving for us, and I did not want to blamed for something I did not want in the first place. I would like to say I trusted my husband and his plans for us, because that is what I should have done. But, I did not, I fought him every step of the way. When this lay-off was a possibility, I thought that if God made that work out, this would be OK as well. I like how God slowly prepares us for what He really has in store for us. He gives us little obstacles so that when it comes time to jump over the mountain, we just jump, knowing he is going to carry us all the way over. That is how I felt. Now though, the lay is a reality. So, I am struggling to keep that perspective. It is definitely harder when you are living it through it though. But, I still believe it. I just have to remind myself of it a whole lot more, and it is now not really exciting. But, it is an adventure. And, I am ready to learn what God is ready to teach. I am excited about what that might be. I am glad that I am not at a place where we try everything on our own first and then finally decide to let God fix it. I am at His feet right now; the very first second, ready to just eat it up like a little kid entering school for the first time. Teach me to be more patient, teach me to not be so worldly, teach me to trust You for everything, teach me to be more sympathetic to others in need, teach me I can’t fix everything by trying harder, teach me to get my value from Christ, not from a job or position. I am hoping in the meantime, He can teach me how to stretch a dollar as well.