Forgiveness

Awhile back I had to encounter the toughest decision I have ever made in my life. It was a decision to forgive someone that had terribly wronged me. The hardest part was learning how to have self-respect afterward. I received a lot of good advice. Advice stating that forgiveness was about my benefit not the other person. Advice stating I am a sinner therefore; I always need forgiveness as well. Advice stating without forgiveness, I would be hardening my heart and could run the risk of becoming a bitter person. Advice stating forgiveness was not about saying what the other person did was OK or acceptable; it was more about letting go. All of that is true and was great advice from spiritually wise people. But, it didn’t get me to the point of forgiveness. I was still left questioning that if I gave forgiveness, how could I have self-respect. I was so sure that the very few people that knew of my situation would see me as weak. I felt weak.

At least I had great people throughout my life that taught me the Bible could answer EVERY question I had. So, I went to the Bible for answers to my self-respect questions. I couldn’t find self-respect in my index. I tried self-worth and still got no hits. I decided I must have been limiting my search, so I just went with self. That go me somewhere. Not exactly what I was looking for. I found:
Don’t worry about yourself first.
Don’t worry about what others think of you.
Don’t look out only for yourself.

Worrying about self leads to:
Pride
Childish Behavior
Quarrels
Insensitivity
Undisciplined Actions
Idol Worshipping
Loss of Hope

I learned that I am not supposed to worry about myself….ever. I am supposed to “worry” about God first, then others, then myself. Let me tell you, when I am practicing that, I can’t even get to myself, because there isn’t enough time. But, you know what, those are the times I am most fulfilled. Those are the times God is taking care of me. He does a better job than me, my parents, or my husband. He will always be enough.

I learned that forgiveness is an act of obedience. Like any obedience, it is against our nature (or at least mine). It only comes for me by prayer. When asked how I forgave the things I forgave, it is so easy to say I have no idea. It is only by the grace of God. I love that. I love that God guided me in scripture reading. I love that I couldn’t do it on my own. I love that it took a long time, so that there is absolutely no doubt God was working.